…troubled!!!
Friday, March 21st, 2008…just thinking
3:35 P.M.
March 15, 2008
Everything seems wrong… I know clearly that my conscience is already bothering me as I am experiencing symptoms of restlessness… It has been months now that I have this share of sleepless nights and paranoia.
I know I am good at covering emotions, of faking smiles… But I also know that anyone who really knew me would easily recognize fear and uncertainties that envelops me… I know I am in such a big trouble…not with anyone else but with my own self!!! Whew, what a realization that I must first admit myself or else finding solution to this mess that I have put myself into will just go in vain…
I hate going through all this…Why all this illusions? Why now? Why only now? Why me? How could I not be so prepared for situations like this? How could I be so weak? How could I be so foolish and stupid? How could I be so insensitive, and selfish? How could I be so heartless? Were all my lessons about morality had vanished in the air?
I want to believe that everything will soon be alright… that things happen for a reason, for us to grow, and aid us into maturity.. that after all the trouble, of mixed emotions, I will gain a better perspective in life and in love?
Yeah, I am trying to smile, to look straight into everyone’s eye… but I know that I am lying, that within me, I know that I am deeply troubled… I am struggling… I am having all this difficulty to find my way out of this misery…
But I am not hopeless… I will survive…. I’m sure I will…
I just want it soon… in the soonest possible time….
as I have been in this agony for so long now…
NOW, Can someone help me find my way to end this misery?
